What were the oldest memories you can remember about your self?
Are you like Sheldon who can still remember when he was still in his mother’s womb?
I can barely remember everything from my childhood. There were days I asked myself whether they’re memories that happened in the past or just a dream in one of my sleeps. Until then, I keep living in the present by analyzing the future.
Whenever I think of the past, this one event always comes to the flashback first.
I was sitting in our dining area waiting for my breakfast. Groggy and staring blankly to our window over the kitchen sink.
After a while, I shifted my blank stare down to my arms which are resting on the table in front of me.
I focused my eyes to the pores on my right arm. THEN…I wondered : why i am alive right at that moment, why I was with that particular family, and why not with the richest of the riches. The questions went on and on and even reached to the simplest question such as “Why do I feel any pain when I get pinched?”.
Of course, it stopped when the food was served. lol.
That story was way back when I was still in the Elementary. I forgot which level exactly. Maybe around 4th-6th grade.
Don’t ever think my childhood wasn’t pleasant.
It was beautiful.
Growing up second to the 6 children wasn’t easy though.
You get to see everyone in the family giving their all to my older brother such as gifts and cakes on his birthday while just 1 Siopao on mine – with a candle at least. But, of course, as a child, I was hoping for an extravagant cake with all these frosting and happy birthday candles.
Nonetheless, I always wanted to be with my older brother – and hoping to be protected by him.
Yeah, our father worked 3 cities away. Sometimes he won’t be home for a week or more.
YET, he spent a lot of his time with us whenever he’s home.
Most of what i believe, what molded me, are due to him.
He would help me with my assignments, projects, questions – sadly, his time with us was limited (He went to work a little early and arrived home a little late).
This is the thing he said which is the most wonderful lesson he ever taught me that you too might benefit with:
“Do your everything with all honesty even when no one believes you.”
My mother? She’s a good cook. She’s generous too. The only thing that I wanted to help her with is how she might improve her way of expressing her emotions – her pain, her longing, and even her anger.
As a woman as she is,she’s doomed to be bounded with the natural biology of every woman which is wired to their emotional impulses, thus often ended up getting hurt and misunderstood.
Sometimes she told me hurtful stuff when I was little like i was a black sheep, a bad influence to my younger siblings, and she even told that she regretted I was born.
When she’s happy, she will say I was her princess.Oh ha!
That’s how women are!
I do not mind any of it at all anymore.
This is the hardest part for having an INTJ personality.
You get to see where everyone is coming from and there’s nothing you can do but to watch them reap what they sow.
So this is the start of my journey…
Cool keep it up. I am not a spam 🙂